Though I have not seen the show being referenced, nor heard of the character being discussed, I most definitely can relate to the feeling being discussed. Potentially due to a combination of being the only child and getting bored of the TV within the first 2 of the 8-10 hours my parents were gone from the house, I ended up with a Brooding and Melancholic temperament that has never left me.
My childhood was otherwise idyllic and so was the treatment of my parents towards me, for the most part, but I could never shake off that Melancholy, a Romantic longing of greater things and an acute awareness of how many great moments were passing me by just as I was experiencing them.
As a teenager, I took up amateur photography and videography as a way to immortalize great moments as they were happening, so that I would always have them "captured" in a collection and could recall them at will. Thankfully, most folks around me found this obsession strangely amusing and took it well, having few qualms about being added to "the Archive" (as it became known among close friends), I probably have the advent of social media apps during that time to thank for this.
Regardless, I found out that there is no photographic or videographic substitute for first-hand experience and memory. In fact, memory is already a second-grade substitute for the experience as it is occurring, yet, much to my chagrin, both experience and memory are fleeting and imperfect. Time was always moving forward and I secretly dreaded that fact. Yet, though I found some solace in memory, whether in the mind or in the form of a picture/media file, especially through reading Nietzsche's Gay Science, I could never escape the thoughts of my own head. The glorification of that which has happened, somewhat to the detriment of what is happening presently and what is about to occur.
Though my troubles with memory are somewhat beside the point, my troubles with thought are very much like your own, brother, and, apparently, like the troubles of the Draper character, as described here.
I never really let people access my own thoughts, I had a tendency to retreat and reconsider how much I shared with people even after only a lighthearted jest at what I had just shared. This was not out of hurt ego or someone else's misuse of what I had shared, as much as it truly was an attempt on my part to forge my own "social mask", even though I also sought to be "authentic" in how I presented myself. In that contradictory struggle, I understood, much like you detail in your post, brother, that what I was truly seeking was the alignment of who I wanted to be, presently and in the past, and who I was at that very moment. A perfect and permanent fusion of the two.
I recognize even now that I have a long road ahead in making this a reality or, even, in learning how to live differently, in a way that these concerns and near permanent residence in the plane of ideas, hopes and past glories, can be cast away satisfactorily.
This may be one of the most impactful articles I have ever read, Brother! Truly excellent.
Thank you so much for writing all this brother, it was very enlightening and heartwarming to read. I hope your struggles in this become less and less in the future because your family depends on it like mine does with myself. I’m grateful and humbled to hear it had such an impact brother. God bless you.
Though I have not seen the show being referenced, nor heard of the character being discussed, I most definitely can relate to the feeling being discussed. Potentially due to a combination of being the only child and getting bored of the TV within the first 2 of the 8-10 hours my parents were gone from the house, I ended up with a Brooding and Melancholic temperament that has never left me.
My childhood was otherwise idyllic and so was the treatment of my parents towards me, for the most part, but I could never shake off that Melancholy, a Romantic longing of greater things and an acute awareness of how many great moments were passing me by just as I was experiencing them.
As a teenager, I took up amateur photography and videography as a way to immortalize great moments as they were happening, so that I would always have them "captured" in a collection and could recall them at will. Thankfully, most folks around me found this obsession strangely amusing and took it well, having few qualms about being added to "the Archive" (as it became known among close friends), I probably have the advent of social media apps during that time to thank for this.
Regardless, I found out that there is no photographic or videographic substitute for first-hand experience and memory. In fact, memory is already a second-grade substitute for the experience as it is occurring, yet, much to my chagrin, both experience and memory are fleeting and imperfect. Time was always moving forward and I secretly dreaded that fact. Yet, though I found some solace in memory, whether in the mind or in the form of a picture/media file, especially through reading Nietzsche's Gay Science, I could never escape the thoughts of my own head. The glorification of that which has happened, somewhat to the detriment of what is happening presently and what is about to occur.
Though my troubles with memory are somewhat beside the point, my troubles with thought are very much like your own, brother, and, apparently, like the troubles of the Draper character, as described here.
I never really let people access my own thoughts, I had a tendency to retreat and reconsider how much I shared with people even after only a lighthearted jest at what I had just shared. This was not out of hurt ego or someone else's misuse of what I had shared, as much as it truly was an attempt on my part to forge my own "social mask", even though I also sought to be "authentic" in how I presented myself. In that contradictory struggle, I understood, much like you detail in your post, brother, that what I was truly seeking was the alignment of who I wanted to be, presently and in the past, and who I was at that very moment. A perfect and permanent fusion of the two.
I recognize even now that I have a long road ahead in making this a reality or, even, in learning how to live differently, in a way that these concerns and near permanent residence in the plane of ideas, hopes and past glories, can be cast away satisfactorily.
This may be one of the most impactful articles I have ever read, Brother! Truly excellent.
Thank you so much for writing all this brother, it was very enlightening and heartwarming to read. I hope your struggles in this become less and less in the future because your family depends on it like mine does with myself. I’m grateful and humbled to hear it had such an impact brother. God bless you.
God bless you too brother, as always! 🙏